10 Ways to Manage your Teen’s Behavior
Avoid head-on confrontation with your teenager. Their default response is to be defensive and argue with you. Going to battle will raise emotions and achieve very little. Consider a more round-about approach.
If you can, find a way for your teen to back down while saving face. Their self-esteem is very fragile and needs you to protect it. “I know you don’t want to do this, but you also know it’s the right thing to do and why I’m asking it of you.”
Avoid criticism of a choice they made. Teenagers tend to know when they’ve messed up. There’s no need to add to their embarrassment or humiliation.
Listen to your teen. Don’t assume they did something intentionally to get away with something or to upset you. Ask them what happened and what made them make that decision and then help them problem solve how to fix it.
Offer a collaborative approach to problem solving: “It seems that we have a problem, how can we solve it together?”
Accept begrudging compliance even if it comes with attitude and eye rolling. There’s no need to start another argument about your teen’s attitude. They are just being teenagers and you achieved your goal when they complied with what you asked them to do.
Strive to be non-judgmental about your teen’s choices and decisions. They have different likes, needs, interests, impulses than you. Accepting your teen as they are is an essential ingredient for a strong respectful relationship.
Show an understanding of what your teen is going through. The hormones, physiological changes, rapid brain development and the need for social acceptance are key factors that drive their behavior and are, in many ways, beyond their control. Be gentle and understanding of their choices so that they feel emotionally safe with you and come to you when they’ve messed up.
Help your teen to understand what’s happening in their brains and bodies that is affecting the way they think and behave. Self-awareness is a hugely effective tool for helping them to think through the choices they make before they make them.
Recognize when your teen has done the right thing. They may not show it but they actually crave your approval and need it in order to feel valued.
