The Parent’s Job
A parent’s role is…
To keep children safe physically and emotionally. The limits will change as your child grows.
To provide a balance of nurture and structure. When you interact with your child, ask yourself if this is a moment I need to provide care and attention or more structure and guidance? Limits tell your child that you are keeping them safe.
To be the facilitator of their lives. Not the designer or creator of their lives.
To help your child see and understand themselves so that they can facilitate their own lives by themselves.
To be a collaborative parent - working alongside your child to help them discover who they are.
“I’m thinking…” “what are you thinking?”
“I’m seeing…” “what are you seeing?”
“I’m wondering…”
“How can I help?”
To accept what you can and can’t control at each stage of your child’s life. Once you recognize this fact, it makes you approach parenting in a different way.
To really see your child as they are - not as you want them to be.
To provide experiences that expand their world, not limit it, including the not so pretty aspects…
To allow your child to experience things in their own way, not in your way. Don’t anticipate their reaction.
To nurture connections - between your child and others, your child and materials and objects, your child and the natural world, etc.
To adjust your parenting to your child, not your child to your parenting. Siblings may be raised differently.
To eliminate false ideas about who a child should be.
To acknowledge that your child is complex and multi-layered and capable of being kind and cruel, calm and high energy, reasonable and moody, easy and difficult.
To encourage effort rather than to praise achievement.
To model, model, model. Don’t teach your values. Practice your values.
To give your child the tools to do better next time rather than fixing the problem for them in the moment.
To separate your own happiness from your child’s happiness - they are not responsible for your happiness! - and to have your own life and identity separate from your child.
To understand that parenting is an organic process that needs to be tweaked and adjusted as your child changes and becomes more themselves. It should be flexible and nimble based on trial and error and your expanding understanding of your child.
Learn about more ways to become an effective parent, build a strong relationship with your child and develop your role as a parent: Work With Me
